Many of us, when we’re adolescents and teens and still learning about love, buy into this idea of love and romance that we see in romantic comedy movies. These are the kinds of relationships that are nothing short of life-changing. Unfortunately, this can be a bit of a problem for people in their early twenties and beyond. Once you get past your teens where your mind is overcome by hormones and you start thinking about things more logically, those overblown expectations can become a problem and ruin your dating experience.
Lower Your Expectations
In other words, to be successful in dating and relationships, you might just have to lower your expectations. While this phrase has a negative connotation, it’s not as bad as it might sound. We’re not suggesting that you should go out and settle for the first schlub you run across. Lowering your expectations doesn’t mean having none whatsoever – it just means being more reasonable.
For instance, the whole concept of “love at first sight” just doesn’t work for everyone. Some lucky few people experience this in their lifetimes, but for most of us love needs a chance to grow and flourish. If you meet a new person and you think, “Well, I don’t feel strongly about this person right away,” and then give up on that relationship, you could be missing out on something great. It’s important to invest some time in relationships and see what comes naturally, rather than trying to force something.
Another common problem is that people in new relationships aren’t always open to compromise. It’s pretty much guaranteed that you and your new partner are going to clash on some issues, be they big or small. The thing is, you shouldn’t let disagreements over small issues ruin an entire relationship. If everything else about you clicks perfectly with this person, but he loves Chiense food and you hate it, that doesn’t suddenly mean he’s not your soul mate. Obviously this is a very simple example, but the point is that sometimes you have to be willing to meet your partner half way and accept the flaws and disagreements.
Lowering your expectations doesn’t mean settling – it just means being reasonable. The sign of a truly strong relationship isn’t one where the couple agrees on every little thing. The greatest relationships are the ones where both partners are free to disagree and even to fight, but still love and respect each other at the end of the day.
One thing in relationships that often causes a lot of confusion for women is the idea that men need “alone time.” It used to be the case that men would need a “guys’ night out” as time away from their wives and girlfriends, but for some men this has evolved into spending a lot of alone time. Often, these men will retreat to their garages or a special room filled with all their favorite “toys” – their man cave.
For a lot of women, this new shift doesn’t make any sense. While “guys night out” might’ve bothered them, at least it made sense. It was like giving guys a time to commune with other masculine energy. Women often have their “girls’ night out” for the same reason. But with the man cave, it’s as if the guy is choosing to just be by himself rather than have his wife or girlfriend as company, and something that doesn’t compute for many women.
The important thing to realize about the man cave is that it really isn’t that much different from “guys’ night out.” It really is just another way for guys to get in touch with their masculine energy. It’s not you, specifically, that he’s trying to get away from, it’s just your femininity. That may still sound a little off, but rest assured it’s completely normal.
Now you may think that you’re one of those girls who is “just like one of the guys,” but for 99% of the women out there, they are not quite as good at that as you’d like to think they are. That’s nothing to be ashamed of, of course – men and women are fundamentally different in many ways, and that’s part of what makes relationships so exciting.
So what can you take away from all of this? The most important thing to understand is that a man having a “man cave” or just wanting to spend some alone time is not a bad sign for your relationship – as long as it’s in moderation. Obviously there may be cause for concern if he’s spending all his time there, but a couple of nights a week for a few hours is normal and healthy. Use that time to pursue your own hobbies or go out with your girlfriends. In the long run, your relationship will only get stronger and healthier as you’ll both have time to de-stress, relax, and experience some things other than each other.
Almost form the first moment that a man and woman make eye contact, they start thinking about sex, even if it’s only in the back of their minds. Yet many new couples don’t actually talk about sex until weeks, months or even years after they have it. Let’s face it – talking about sex can be pretty hard (no pun intended). Here are some things to keep in mind that might make the discussion a little bit easier.
Tip #1: He’s Just as Nervous and Awkward as You Are
While men are considered to be the more sexually driven of the sexes, the truth is that they don’t really know how to talk about it any better than you do. A big part of this is that men don’t want their new girlfriend thinking that they are just in it for the sex. You can head this problem off by being the progressive one and bringing up the topic, freeing him up to share his honest thoughts about the issue.
Tip #2: No, He Won’t Settle
Sexual compatibility is very important in all relationships, especially for men. A lot of men need a steady supply of sex to keep them happy. If you’re the kind of woman who likes sex once a week when your partner wants it three times, there’s going to be trouble on the horizon. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that he’ll “settle for less.” That’s just setting the scene for future infidelity. Compromise may be possible, but don’t expect him totally match his needs to yours.
Tip #3: Talking About Kink
Kink is a tricky subject. Most people out there have some sort of kink that can range from mild to extreme. However, most people are afraid to admit their kinks to their partners – some people are even afraid to admit them to themselves. When it comes to talking about kinkiness, its important think about how important they are to you. In the same way that some people aren’t happy unless they’re having lots of sex, others aren’t happy unless there’s some kink.
If you fall into that latter camp, it’s important to get it out there as soon as is reasonably possible. That’s not say you should start talking whips and chains on the first date, but if your kink is something reasonably common or mild, you should get it out there after a couple of months. Otherwise, you may just be wasting both his time and yours!
Don’t be afraid to talk about sex, ladies! It may seem weird at first, but the truth is that most men will just be that much more turned on by any talk about sex.
As much as everyone likes to pride themselves on not being shallow and being open minded, the truth is that most of us are at least a little bit shallow. Whether we do it consciously or not, we do tend to judge people based on their appearance and the way that they carry themselves. That’s why, just like it’s important to present yourself well at job interviews, it’s equally important to present yourself well when out on the dating scene. Here’s a few key points to keep in mind.
Point #1: Dress for Your Body
Not everyone can have the supermodel physique that they dream of. Chances are you’ve got a few more pounds weighing you down than you’d ideally like. Maybe you even have a lot of extra weight you can’t seem to get rid of. That doesn’t have to a death sentence for your dating life, though!
All you have to do is dress in a way that emphasizes your best features while masking your less desirable ones. This may seem deceptive, but it’s really just to ensure that you make a good first impression – once you’ve opened the door you can let your natural charms take over.
Point #2: Stay Engaged
There’s nothing that will kill attraction faster than when one party seems disinterested. When talking to a guy, make sure to actually invest in what he’s saying. Don’t lean back and scan the bar, don’t look at your phone – look at him and listen to what he’s saying. It’s a simple way give a guy a big self-esteem boost and when it comes right down to it, every man wants a woman who makes him feel important. This is an easy way of laying the groundwork for that.
Point #3: Don’t Overdo It
While dressing your best and making yourself up well is important for making good first impressions, it is possible to overdo it, and that can be a big mistake. A lot of women go way overboard with things like makeup and glitter and end up looking like, well, strippers… or worse. A lot of men out there prefer a more natural look. Again, the key idea here to enhance your best features and some light makeup is perfect for doing just that.
Keep these points in mind when you go out dating and you’ll be surprised just how well they may pay off!
As much as we might like for things to be simple, dating is a complicated game – and those who know the rules are sure to have advantage. While every person and every relationship is unique, there are certain traits that the average male finds most attractive in a woman. We’re not saying that you have to have all of these traits to find the guy of you dreams, or even that every guy will go for these exact things – but in general you will have better luck if you keep these things in mind.
Trait #1: Don’t Take Yourself Too Seriously
Most guys like to joke around with their buddies. Joshing between guys can get pretty brutal, and we’re not suggesting you have to put up with a guy who is disrespectful. However, if you want to have good luck in the dating field, you should learn to take a joke and not get bent out of shape over silly things that don’t matter. Even better than being able to take a joke is being able to give it just as good as you get – rest assured any guy will gain a lot of respect for you if you do that!
Trait #2: Don’t Be Entitled
A lot of guys like nothing more than to buy women drinks or pay for dinner when they go out on a date. But that’s not true of all men, and just because a guy wants you to go dutch on a date doesn’t mean he’s not worth your time. You shouldn’t assume that a guy will pay for everything just because he’s the guy. You should at least offer to split the cost of a meal – chances are he’ll pick up the bill anyway, but he’ll appreciate that you offered. Along the same lines, don’t push the issue if offers to pay. There’s nothing more annoying than arguing about money on a first date!
Trait #3 Know How to Take a Compliment
Flattery is one of the number ways for a guy to show that he likes you. If he says that you’re beautiful or smart or funny, don’t be coy or try and deprecate yourself because it makes you feel uncomfortable. That sends off vibes that you really aren’t worth the attention he’s giving you, and that’s sure to drive him off. You don’t have to have any witty repartee ready to respond to compliments – a simple smile and a thank you will more than suffice.
Adopting these three traits will give you a nice leg up in the dating world – and honestly they’re good traits to have in any social situation. Put them to good use and you’ll see that your dating luck will improve!